Nobody's home
by fl29dwnlover
Summary: Melissa isn't the perfect girl with the perfect life everyone thinks she is.....rated T as a just in case...mention of sucicide..
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: don't own, and I'm not making any money off this story.

Mel sighed, shivering violently. It had been hard, trying to survive. Especially since she knew how everyone blamed her. Blamed her for the trip, for this disaster. Even though they tried to convince her otherwise, she knew what she knew. The look in their eyes when they looked at her. She knew about pain, she knew about guilt. But she didn't know about life. Really, she had grown up pretty sheltered. No problems, no worries. Until her mother killed herself of course. Then Melissa felt that it was her fault. That somehow, if maybe she'd been better, been home quicker, she could have stopped it. But no, she, Melissa, failed yet again.

She was walking in the woods, with Nathan and Daley. They were out getting fruit. It had been a very dull week. Melissa had numbly done her chores, ignoring everyone. The others had attempted to draw her into conversation, but she had just laid there. She had also switched jobs with Eric; so she didn't have to interact with anyone.

While lugging the water, Melissa had had time to think. Time to think about life. Melissa realized she had stopped caring. Usually she was den mother, looking out for everyone, pushing aside her own desires for sleep and relaxation, and had pretty much bended over backwards for everyone. Not anymore. She stopped caring.

Life was unfair. Just plain unfair. Melissa tried to save everyone, mainly because she always wondered if she could have saved her mom. Her mom killed herself by throwing herself in the pool, their 15-foot deep pool, and being unable to swim, drowned. Melissa had been scared of drowning since then.

But Melissa wondered if she had done something. Maybe she didn't clean up her room or something, and it had just pushed her mom to the edge. Maybe. Life is full of maybes. Of failed tries and near-misses. When Melissa had found her mom, she hadn't even tried to help her. She just sat down on a lawn chair and stared into the water. The coroner had said that he mom had been dead hours before Melissa found her, but Mel was adamant upon the fact she killed her mom. She must have. Her dad was a lazy low-life scumbag who should rot in hell, and Jordan was an angel. Alex wasn't around, so that left Melissa. Little Melissa. She learned that day that she could get along fine on her own. That with no one, she could survive fine. But she still couldn't shake her fear of water. The way it moved, as if taunting her, mocking her. The opaque color it sometime had, The way the tide move din, and claws angrily at your ankles, as if it wanted to pull you in and make you disappear. To swallow you whole, and you're never found again.

"Melissa?" Nathan's overconfident voice brought her back to reality.

She stopped in her tracks. "What?"

"We're heading back, you coming?" asked Daley.

"Um, yeah, but I'm going to go this way," she said, motioning to the left.

"Okay, don't get lost!" teased Nathan, and Daley and him disappeared behind the foliage.

Mel sighed, and started her way towards the secret cave only she knew about. NO way did she plan on going back tonight. No, tonight, she needed time to think.

Was it okay? Awful? Flames accepted. Should I continue it? I'm not much of a writer, but I was bored and decided to post this. Well, go and review now!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: okay, again, I DO NOT OWN FLIGHT 29 DOWN!!!!! Nor do I own Levaxil, Vicoden, or Seroquel.

Author's note: warning, there is talk of drug abuse and alcohol abuse. Also there is talk of cutting. I do not recommend any of it for anyone to do. Do not do anything in real life that is in this story, because is story is fiction.

Melissa sat in the cave, resting against the wall. It was still early, and the sun was just rising. She had spent the night in the cave, just thinking. Thinking about the group, about life, about her mom. She wanted so badly to leave the island. To go home. Or what she supposedly called home. The hell that was home. She knew what was coming. The group was going to split up. She had seen it coming since the day Abby came back. After everything that had happened, she had known that all good things come to an end. This was the end of their group. It was soon to be every man for himself. She had learned through experience. Just when she had been accepted into Hartwell again, on the honor roll, getting straight A's, and winning the blue ribbon for her painting of a wolf for the eight grade national art contest, her mother fell into a depression. Unfortunately, her mother went undiagnosed for too long, and her condition worsened. Her mom was popping pills, Vicoden, Levaxil, Seroquel, anything she could get her hands on. And she mixed those drugs with alcohol. And when the alcohol and drugs ran out, she did heroine. Yep, perfect angel Melissa's mom was a heroin addict. Eventually, her mom's efforts to raise 2 daughters alone, and heal with an abusive ex-husband and a negligent son, and mix it with that behavior, Mel's mom was seconds form disaster.

But then, Mel had felt so helpless. She had watched her mom self-destruct, and she could do nothing to stop it. She couldn't have her. But Melissa knew she could stop the current situation at hand. She knew that the group needed to split up, to grow. She knew that change was necessary, and in this world, you either had to adapt, or die. Abby had made her realize that. After her mom's death, Melissa had been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder PTSD and Severe Depression. Mel had decided life was not worth living, and cut herself for the first time. She had done it the first time thinking that maybe, just maybe, this could be the answer to her pain.

It was. For a while at least. The pain would go with each drop of blood that left her veins. She had done it not with a knife, but anything else she could get her hands on. Like the back of an earring, or a scrapbook cutter. She cut the upper parts of her arm, so she could hide it better. Everyone had believed that her cat had scratched her, or whatever she told them. Truthfully, now, she could see that it was a cry for help. She had proudly shown off the scars, challenging anyone who believed her. She had wanted someone to notice and help her. But no one did. She had gotten worse and worse, until she developed Social Phobia. She became scared to leave her house. She avoided friends, and didn't even want to go to school. She grew worse and worse until her sister Jordan alerted Nathan that Mel had a problem. Together, Mel visited doctors, and went to a clinic for two months during the summer. She emerged happier, healthier. She had never cut again. She had gotten over her PSTD and her medications controlled her depression. Her social phobia was under control too, and she visited a therapist once a week. But being on the island changed everything. There was no Dr. Jane or Mr. Thoms, she was alone gain. The rejection was too much.

Mel picked up the pumice stone. She quickly drove its sharp edge onto the surface of her skin of her right arm. AS the red blood formed on the cut, she buried her face into her hands and cried. She was going downhill without her meds. Without Nathan or Jordan to talk too. I can't do this anymore, she thought, clutching her arm. No more. NO more hurting myself. I need help again. Luckily, this time I realize it before it's to late. But what if I can't tell anyone in time? Nathan? He's so busy with his new relationship with Daley. Daley? She was busy dealing over the fall of her democracy. Eric and Abby could care less. Taylor was a self-centered brat, and Lex was just a kid. What about Jackson, he didn't judge. But he would be so angry and disappointed in her. I mustn't worry anybody with my troubles. I need to get back, she thought, silently gathering her materials. I need someone, but I'm crying in a crowd, yet I'm crying alone. That's how it's been and that's how it always will be.

Review!!!!!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: blah blah blah. You know I don't own this show. If I did, Jackson and Melissa would be together and Taylor and Abby would not be there at all.

I've always lived in a make believe world. I've always transported myself to different places. That's why I've always loved reading. A book can take you away from the misery and tragedies of the world, and take you to a place where everything is good, and whole, and happy. A fantasy place where there is no such thing as death, or separation. You are jubilant, just at the sheer idea of life itself. A world that was, or it, so different from my own life. I look at someone like Taylor Hagen, and wonder if she's ever experienced sadness, misery, or tragic loss. If she's ever had her heart ripped from her chest, and been trampled on by someone you love, and thought had loved you. If she's ever experienced true terror, a sheer horror where you can't scream, or move. Where your only choice was to stay still, and pray to god that you will remain your invisible self. I wonder if she's ever had to wallow in such dark periods, where she's doubted her existence, doubted in God and doubted in everything good and whole. She's so perfect. Doesn't have a care in the world. Everything has been handed down to her. Not me, once, but, not recently.

When my mom died, my dad didn't want me. I heard him talking to Alex, telling him that I'" was a disappointment," and that I would turn out like "her." He never called mom, my graceful and beautiful mother by her real name. He counted her a disgrace to our family name. I had countered that she killed herself because of him. Because of all the pain and hurt that he put her through. At this stage in my life, I blamed my father. At first, it was all on my. But as I got over it, I realized it was him. Truly, I had never gotten over it. I got a little better, but never over it. My mom killed herself, for crying out loud. How the hell am I supposed to get over it completely?! That's the question I posed to the counselors. They would always say the same old damn thing. "She would have wanted me to." Fuck that. My mom loved attention. Which isn't a bad thing, but truthfully? My mother wasn't, mom of the year. I mean, she loved Jordan and I well enough. But, well enough was enough. She was, a druggie, a drinker. That was mom. I grew up with that behavior all my life.

Coming home from school, making dinner, while my mom would cry about what awful thing my dad had done, would be what I would do everyday. Then, she'd talk to me about my school day. I would lie, make up friends, boyfriends. Truthfully? I had Nathan. No one really liked me, because I always was so "nice." I wanted friends, but people always thought I was stuck up because I never wanted to hang out. In reality, I couldn't. I had to be there to cook dinner. I had to take care of Jordan. I had to help my wasted mom stagger to the toilet to throw up. I had to hold her hair back. I had to care for her. But I loved her. I could never not love her. She could do no wrong in my eyes. I wanted to look as lovely as she did. I wanted to be her, minus the sucky husband, and the drinking/drug problem. She was everything to me. My mother was my world. And when she died, it was like someone tool me, and ripped my soul from my very being. Like I was slowly bleeding to death. Even after that, I still couldn't be mad at her. I still wanted to be like her. So I started cutting. I started sneaking swigs of alcohol.

Soon, I was fourteen. I was drinking, stealing my dead mother's wine. Being drunk was bliss. I would drink myself into oblivion. I would forget pain, and be happy. I would f pass out on the couch, listening to the Dixie Chicks, drinking, laughing and singing. It was the most fun I ever had. Then, it happened. Jordan came back. She was twelve. Dad had kicked my little twelve-year-old sister out! She had walked a mile with a small bag to where we had lived. Apparently, dad had one of his whores over, and Jordan had caught them making out. When the lady asked who Jordan was, dad said nobody. Jordan blew a gasket. She cussed them out, and sent the slut on her way with a fat lip. She then challenged how fast dad moved on from mom's death. Dad kicked her out. It was then when I knew I had to cleanup my act. NO more drinking. I had gone down to the wine cellar, and poured eighty-two bottles of wine out he window. Eighty-two bottles of wine. Antique wine, new wine, cheap wine, and expensive wine. Jordan became my main concern.

We were living well off my mother's inheritance, but dad just couldn't leave us alone He claimed we were living alone. I said I was eighteen. Jordan was fifteen. It was a lie, of course. But I had to do it. I had to save Jordan. I forged Jordan and I's birth certificates. The judge bought it, even though my father claimed they were false. But he didn't have the real ones, I happened to have burned those. So I became Jordan's "mom.' I had fooled the judge. But not for long. When I turned fifteen, two years after my mother's death, dad obtained copies of the originals. How, I don't know. We were born in Asia. But, he did. He showed them to a new judge, and they found out he claims I had made, were indeed false.

So now, I had also lost the inheritance. It went to dad. Due to this, I sat down with my lawyer, and gave up Jordan for adoption to Aprille Long, a nice woman who was my mother's best friend. As long as Jordan didn't go to dad, I was okay. Aprille wanted me too, but I decided to go to my twenty-four year old brother Alex. The backstabber. I only went to him, because I couldn't bear the thought of being with Aprille, trying to be my mom, or dad gloating over my loss of Jordan. So, I stayed with Alex, and attempted as reconciliation. We became close, as close as Jordan and I, and he decided that, with his high power job as a military general, that he could take Jordan. Jordan refused, she still hated him. I tried to persuade her, but to no avail. I gave up, and got into a nasty fight with her, the day before this hellish trip. I told her that if she wanted to replace mom with Aprille, she could, but she couldn't make me forget mo. Jordan had said, what is now etched into my memory.

"Mom was a horrible mother! She drank, she did drugs! She couldn't have give n a damn about us! She probably only killed herself to get attention! Aprille's a good mom, but not her!" Jordan had screamed.

The fact that Jordan said "her", instead of mom killed me.

Flashback

"You're just like dad! Disrespecting mom after this!" I had screamed, throwing a plate.

"She wasn't our mom. She was our "mother." She might have given birth to us, but she didn't care for us. Aprille's my mom. She cared for me. The woman who was our mother, was nothing, and meant nothing to me." Jordan had answered coolly.

And I did it. I slapped Jordan across the face.

"How dare you. I loved mom. She loved us. Aprille just feels sorry for you. Don't you EVER, EVER, EVER, disrespect mom again in front of me! You were young, you had no fucking clue what dad put her through! How DARE you!" I had raised my open palm again, to slap Jordan. But Alex grabbed my arm.

"Lissa!" he cried.

I looked at Jordan, who was holding her read cheek.

"Screw you Melissa!" Jordan had replied, and ran off to Aprille's.

Flashback ends

I trudged on in the jungle. The underbrush clawed at my ankles. Blood from the cuts upon my arm flowed like a river. The dark sticky liquid was dried on my arm, my hand; I could even feel caked blood on my face. I started to laugh, probably delirious from the blood loss. I looked at my arm, laughing because my blood didn't look red. It looked black. I laughed again, as rain began to fall. The sky was purple, and the once pink orchids that hung above me were blue. I was laughing, harder and harder, my face feeling like it was on fire. My legs turned to jelly, and I tumbled to the mossy earth. A million sharp prickly needles jammed into my back. I still laughed. Pain felt good. Laughing harder and harder, until my sides were in stitches. Harder and harder until my heart was ramming itself against my ribs. My body felt as if I were being burned alive. I was laughing so hard that my lungs were pleading for air. Then, my laughter turned into anguished screams. Bloodcurdling screams. My body would not work. I was crying, screaming, and yet, my body was paralyzed. When I ran out of breath, I did not inhale. I just lay there, hot salty tears flowing down my cheeks. I felt dizzy, and I took a breath. Then, millions of dots popped all over the purple sky. And, then, I saw nothing but darkness, as the delirium of the fever took me over, and I slipped into unconsciousness.

Whoa, I just changed that entire paragraph. Originally, she returned to the group. Now I have a new idea. What if she gets lost, and has a fever, or Malaria, or……….I KNOW!!! I know what she has. But you'll just have to wait for three or four chapters till you find out. Hmmmm………..maybe Melissa should die;) End her misery? Or suicide that was similar to her mother's? Or maybe her knight in shining armor will save her? Or will she make it to the group, but it's too late to save her? The possibilities. REVIEWS KEEP ME GOING!


	4. Chapter 4

Hey guys…I know that we're not really supposed to post author's notes, and I know that I keep you guys waiting so long……….but I have the next chapter finished, it's not my best work, but it's more of a filler. It's pretty short…a disappointment but…I WILL post it soon………so just hold on and stay with me thanks for all the people who reviewed my story…it's dedicated to everyone who reviewed………….ONLY A FEW MORE CHAPTERS LEFT. Yes, it will be Melissa/Jackson…I love that coupling, so, yeah! I'm working on the next one!

This story, Nobody's Home, is dedicated to the following:

Drivemewild

Lilmusicfreak

BohemienneEsmerelda

Myjm

Jz

White'n'nerdy

Pinklen98

Bookwormbeauty

Betherealways247

Abby-chan

And all my future reviewers for all that they do you guys keep me going!

3 fl29dwnlover


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: yeah, yeah, you already know what I'm going to say!!!

Mel lay there. For hours, she laid there on the forest floor, not moving. Her mouth was dry, and she ached to sip water out of the nearby creek. She just didn't want to get up- no, she was physically incapable of getting up. She could feel the bugs crawling upon her, using her as home base, as a central feeding area. But they didn't bother her. AT least she had something to keep her company. Actually, she understood the bugs, a bit. They were ignored, and seen simply as pests, and when actually seen they were squashed. That's how people reacted to her. The either ignored her, or they found her annoying and ridiculed her and [emotionally crushed her.

Mel wanted to get up, but she was tired. It seems all she had done was sleep and stare at the bugs. She felt silly after her little outburst. But hey, after everything she'd been thorough, she believed that she was allowed to go a little nuts sometimes.

Oh god, she thought. I'm going to die. I'm gong to sit here, and die. I'm going to rot, and the others will never know what happened to me!

But, a little voice in her head said, will they even care?

"Of course, she hoarsely whispered. "They care, I know they do!

They why haven't they found you? You're not that far from camp, the voice nagged again.

"You don't know where I am," she whispered again.

Do I? Face it Melissa, the others don't need you. Nathan has Daley, Lex has Jackson, Jackson has Taylor, and Eric has Abby. Poor baby Mellie, left alone again. Rejected, not worth anything. They're probably sleeping right now, warm and snuggly in their sleeping bags, Taylor and Jackson sitting next to the fire, cuddling next to each other and then he moves closer, and looks into her eyes. And kisses her softly on the lips, then more and more passionate kisses follow, and soon-

"NO!" she yelped, her voice cracking.

And it's not like your family needs you. Jordan has Aprille, Alex is fine by himself, and daddy dearest is with his whores. They don't care. You are nothing………alone in this world without anyone-

"Shut up!" she yelped as loudly as possible. She struggled to her feet. "I'll show you. I'll make it back to camp, and everyone will be glad!" She gripped a tree for support. Now, she had a decision. Drink out of the creek, or try to make it without water. Mel decided upon the creek. She really didn't know how far away camp was, and who knew how long she'd been unconscious, not counting the day. She just lay down on the forest floor, refusing to get up. But now, she had a second wind. She was going to probe that little wrong. Stupid little voice, she thought, kneeling down next to the creek, careful not to get too close to the water so she didn't get leeches on her.

She sipped the water. It was dirty, but to her tasted delicious. The water ran down her throat, and soothed it. She drank more thirstily. She knew there could be disease, but she didn't care. Water was water, and Mel was desperate, besides, it tasted so good. It was sweet to her, like liquefied sugar or something.

Better drink up Lissa. This could be your last, the voice returned.

"Why don't you shut up and leave me alone? Your wrong, I'm going to be fine!" she muttered, getting to her feet.

Big mistake. Black dots explode in her eyes, and the feeling went from her arms and legs. Her eyes and head hurt. The foliage around her spun. "Oh!" she mumbled, falling back down onto the mud.

See? You're so weak you can't even make it back without passing out, the voice snipped.

"You're wrong," she murmured again. Gradually, she made it to her feet. "I'm fine, I'll be okay," she said aloud, almost to reassure her as much as she was challenging the voice.

Her long walk began. Birds above her hooted happily. Mel wished she were a bird. She could fly away from this stupid island. She could fly away from this stupid island. She could be free, not having to listen to anyone ever again. Just being free to fly away whenever things go rough. But she actually had responsibilities. Sometimes, she resented the others with their "prefect" lives. That's hwy she liked Jackson so much. He seemed to "get" her. He just understood what it was like to have everything taken away from you, to be left with nothing, and to have no one to talk to, to have everyone think you're something you're not. But then he fell for Taylor. Taylor might have been pretty, okay gorgeous, but still. Looks aren't everything. Taylor was selfish, self-centered and completely bratty. She didn't care about anyone but herself. Who approached Jackson when everyone else thought he was strange and weird? She did. Who wanted him to get a chance to go on this trip? Who defended him against her own best friend Nathan? Who talked him into staying, and who still loved him even before she knew his whole story about his video diary secret? Who nursed him back to health ever though there was a chance secret? Who nursed him back to health even though there was a chance it was contagious? She did. She had bended over backwards for him, and all she got was blindsided.

She knew she wasn't as pretty as Taylor, but still. Oh well. Jordan was right; guys think with their penis, they couldn't give a damn about substance, just material. Stupid guys. Hell' I'd probably have better luck as a lesbian, damn it! Too bad I wasn't gay, cuz then I wouldn't' even have to worry about Jackson. I could just forget all about him. She tripped and fell hard against the mossy floor.

See? You're already stumbling and falling, the voice muttered.

"Shut up," she whispered and got back up.

Mel remembered back to what she feared. Jackson and Taylor, together. He's picking her over Mel. Just like dad picked Jordan over Mel. She loved Jordan but resented her somewhat for dad wanting her, but not Melissa. What's wrong with me? She thought. Why didn't dad want me? Why couldn't love he me? Why doesn't Jackson love me? Why am I so unlovable? She thought, her eyes brimming wit tears.

"Not," she whispered to her self. "I am not going to cry over them. It's not worth my time."

Mel pushed on. Her ankle hurt, and eyes hurt, her arm hurt, her ribs hurt, she just hurt generally everywhere.

And then, it began to rain; she stumbled again, and fell face first into mud. She quickly sat up and wiped her face on her arm.

"Why me?" she yelled.

"Why me?" she yelled again, getting to her feet.

'Do you have to kick me when I'm down? What have I ever done to you? Fuck you!" she snapped, looking up at the sky…at God.

"First, you take my mo m. then you take Jordan. Now this trip, then Jackson, then I lose Nathan to Daley, and now this shit? All my life, I have sacrificed for you. I've prayed, I've gone to church, fuck it! I quit! You never help me anyways, so just leave me alone!" she yelled at the sky.

Mel wiped her eyes on the back of her hand. She kept gong. Rain poured down harder on her as if God were taunting her. She plowed on.

"I refuse to give up. I refuse to give in!" She yelled. Thunder drowned out her words.

Then, Mel's foot hit something. She picked it up. The camp knife. "Yes!" she cried. She was almost there. Picking up the last ounce of strength she had, she ran. Ran towards where the camp was, or at least where she thought it was. Soon, she came upon the tent.

But, she didn't go in. She squatted down next to it. The others were quiet. She heard Nathan talking comfortingly to Daley.

Mel heard Jackson laugh. Then Taylor. Mel's face-hardened. Those assholes, she thought. I've been missing, and they're flirting. Screw them. Mel got to her feet, and walked to the front of the tent.

Go in Lissa, to your Jackson. What are you waiting for, the voice cackled.

"I made it. But they can sit in there. I'm sleeping somewhere else," Mel said.

She turned on her heel, and walked towards Lex's shelter. When she got there, she lay down. Rain still dripped down on her, and winds made her shiver. She curled up into a ball, used her arm as a pillow, and soared wistfully at the tent. The others were safe and warm. She could go in there and be safe and warm too, but she'd rather be sitting in this shelter, cold and alone, as always. Soon sleep beckoned, and Mel closed her eyes. She soon was asleep, her mind and body finally getting it's much needed rest. The others sat nice and warm, sleeping also, in the tent, unbeknownst to Mel, their lost friend, being only 40 years away from them.

I would like to also dedicate it to melreincar; I thought I had put you in, sorry about that!

I have been getting recent PM's with people having problems with this story…no, I'm not trying to trash up Mel's image………I just wanted to get into her mind, to figure out why she's so strong, and also why she vies for people's approval………….I'm sorry if you don't like the story, but if you don't like it, you don't have to read it.

I originally had written this 5 different times…i wrote this one because when I was reading my comments and when drivemewild mentioned that with all the stuff she's been through, it would affect her psyche in the end.

That made me wonder………….Mel's been their rock since day one, what would happen if she comes back a little crazy?

The little voice she has is definitely a red flag…the voice definitely ties into the story later on.

So drivemewild, thank you for the inspiration!!!

I'd also like to add the following reviewers to my dedication list:

Jacksonsgirl8585

Fantasycrazyperson409

Moonliteprincez314

Cheekybabe101

I'd also like to say thank you to my reviewers…i almost quit the story because of all the PM's I was getting about how the story was not good, and how I had messed up Melissa's image. Thank u 4 the support!


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